Me too!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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