My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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