I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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