the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
