Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
