Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
