i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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