the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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