Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
