Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
