You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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