Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
