My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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