Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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