He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We are all done wearing pants today
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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