drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
