i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
