Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
In America we eat man semen.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
