so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
