every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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