Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
