Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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