Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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