he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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