I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
false alarm, still single
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
