I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
