The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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