Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
