I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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