I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
