You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
