I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
