If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
