I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
