she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
