my phone needs a breathalizer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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