The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
