she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
