Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
