I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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