Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
