I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
organizing the empties. That sober.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
