I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
