i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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