he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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