Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
