Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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