There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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