omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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