sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
