Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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